Total Siyappa Review

Total Siyappa Review: A cringe-worthy screenplay filled with terribly over-the-top characters and not a single funny moment. Total Bakwaas. 

Rating: *

Director: E. Niwas

Cast: Ali Zafar, Yami Gautam, Kiron Kher, Anupam Kher, Vishwa Badola, Anuj Pandit

A madcap situation succeeds in humoring only when the series of unfortunate events unwittingly set off by a well-meaning but luckless protagonist appear spontaneous. Firstly, the director needs to properly define the setting, which subtly yet clearly indicates where things can go awry and create further trouble for our hero/heroine.

For example, in the film involving a careless single dad, say Mr. Jones, and naughty toddler, if the camera cuts away to a shot of an expensive China vase positioned on a wobbly stand, we anticipate that it shall shatter to pieces at some point of time. And then surprise – the vase doesn’t shatter, but in an attempt to save the vase that’s about to fall, Mr. Jones slips and pulls down the window curtains. What’s worse is the child protection officer checking on his neighbor is now pacing towards Mr. Jones’ house. Did I forget to mention that the baby’s holding the loaded revolver that Mr. Jones clumsily placed on the center table?

Now dad knows the officer’s going to ring the door-bell any second, and that the room’s in a mess, but only when the officer calls out “Mr. Jones, I’m XYZ from child protection service. May I have a word with you?” does he realize that his little boy’s clutching a revolver. And just when the officer decides to peek through the window, there’s a gunshot. Chances are the bullet rips through his top hat (assuming he fancies top hats) and he ducks instantly. And what does he see when he jumps through the window inside – Mr. Jones pointing his revolver at his son screaming like crazy. And that’s how comedy’s done. And what of the pricey vase, gifted by his new fiancé? Well, Mr. Jones reels back on seeing the officer and butts against the stand. And there goes the vase too!

A compact and concentrated setting such as home or a museum gallery is more vulnerable to complicated and calamitous situations. For this to invoke laughter there needs to be a person who sets out to do things right or make people happy and ends up nearly drowning the pet hamster. A comedy is bust when characters needlessly act strange and reveal nothing about their personalities except their idiosyncrasies.

Kiron Kher plays a loud mother who’s averse to Pakistanis, and takes antidepressants, Anuj Pandit plays her son Manav who’s openly hostile towards Pakistanis, while Vishwa Badola acts as her dad, an ex-army guy who’s short of hearing and who shuffles around the rooms in his yellow robe wielding a knife. What roadblocks do they bring for our hero Ali Zafar? Remember how Kantaben would turn up at the wrong moment in Kal Ho Na Ho, leading to a hilarious strip club scene between Saif and his dad in which dad asks him if he’s gay? Or how Paresh Rawal’s character in Hera Pheri creates some of the goofiest mishaps in Hindi comedies? Total Siyappa includes these vague and ill-defined caricatures and gives them next to nothing to do. Dadaji walks around like an apparition with his knife – so what? Does he accidentally stab Ali on his hind-side just when the latter’s figuring out how to solve one crisis?

Writer Neeraj Pandey, who won a National Award for his debut film A Wednesday and then made the hugely engaging Special 26, perhaps had a severe writer’s block after agreeing to remake the 2004 Spanish film Only Human, but decided to go with it anyway for the money. What I’ve observed though is that while his films are smart, Pandey has never brought a three-dimensional character on screen. I remember nearly dozing off during the screening of Special 26 until the nail-biting heist mission post interval. Come to think of it, Akshay Kumar’s characterization was especially weak and the dialogues lacked sparkle and novelty. In a comedy that eschews suspense and is majorly reliant on the strength of dialogues and characters, his weakness becomes glaring. Both he and director E Niwas, also the director of films such as Shool and My Name is Anthony Gonsalves, also fail at using the scenery for innovative physical comedy, and when they do, they fail. Every single time.

Even the opening sequence starts on the wrong foot. Even before we know the two leads, the film cuts back to mushy flashback moments as if we know them already and are watching a sequel featuring both. There’s a subplot featuring a roly-poly Mr. Bean lookalike that’s so inexplicable one feels as though some condition were imposed before filming in London to use local actors in some or the other way. British characters in minor, blink-and-miss roles get the privilege of close up shots. Aisha, played by newcomer-to-Bollywood Yami Gautam, introduces Amar, played by Pakistani-born Bollywood actor-singer Ali Zafar, to her dysfunctional family; the two plan to marry but she has yet to disclose his Pakistani nationality to her conservative parents. There’s an accident involving Aisha’s dad and frozen soup that’s literally stretched till the climax, and it’s shameful that the cringe-worthy screenplay suffers from such poverty. You know a film’s a goner when it randomly places a song to promote the lead actor’s singing abilities.

I haven’t seen Zafar’s previous films and hence, when I saw this film’s trailer, I assumed he was in character. But what I realized is that this is how the guy actually speaks, and so he’s doing practically nothing except playing himself. He supplies so little to his character that we forget he’s the protagonist and watch the film as an ensemble comedy. On the other hand, all actors playing Aisha’s family go desperately over-the-top, with cheap sound effects to cue us that someone’s just said something funny. The worst offender is Anupam Kher, who gives perhaps the most embarrassing performance in recent memory as Aisha’s dad. And yet, the lost and confused look on his face really captures our feelings after sitting through Total Siyappa – lost, confused… and infuriated.

ourvadodara.in Rating Guide:

* = Avoid!!

** = Rent It / TV Premiere

*** = Book The Cheapest Seats

**** = Book The Best Seats

***** = Book The Best Seats + Buy The DVD!